Idiot
by makura moderski
Summary: Naruto's life is slowly slipping away and Sasuke hasn't a clue. “Sorry teme, but this is goodbye.” warning suicide, cutting, slight shonen-ai SasuNaru please R&R.warning suicide, cutting, yaoi


Idiot

**Disclaimer**: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions in this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and the author of this fan work receives no profit in writing this.

**WARNING:** Content not suitable for children, containing but not limited to violence, dark themes, suicide, death, and male on male relationships.

'Why?'

Was the only thought the blonde had, just simply why? He couldn't understand why he was chosen to have such a hard life. Why it was him to be sealed with the kyuubi. Why he was looked down upon when the 4th said he should be viewed as a hero? Why no matter how hard he tried he'll never fit in? Why no matter how many jutsus he mastered Sasuke wouldn't acknowledge him? Why Sakura would never be with him? Why was he so worthless?

The tip of a kunai pressed lightly on his forearm. He cringed as he pressed it harder into his skin. He'd been like this all morning just adding new cuts to his already marred arms. He just didn't feel right if he left the house without his morning ritual. That's what it had become. How much longer would he be able to keep this a secret? He figured no one would ever find out. No one cared enough to notice so why should he care? He slashed a few more slits on his arm almost reaching his wrists. He hastily wrapped them and threw on his jacket and left.

He desperately wiped the tears that streamed down his cheeks and replaced his _face_. No one could know ever. He grinned that fox grin that he used to distract people from his deadened eyes. He left preparing himself for the day that lye before him. He could tell it was going to be a long one he only wished he'd felt more, of that red velvet sliding down his arms. It was so warm leaking from his skin. The feeling was unbelievable. His troubles seemed to melt away and his fears subsided whenever he cut. It was the only thing that seemed to help anymore.

The villagers glared as he walked to the bridge where his team met. He tried his best just to pretend the glares weren't aimed at him, but the cold ebbing feeling from the glares was just too difficult to ignore. He inwardly cringed as he continued with his ridiculous smile.

*THUD*

'oooouuucchh!'

The blonde rubbed his head feeling more blood. He looked down at the rock that had been cast at him. He just smiled and said "Good morning." and continued along his way. The gash on his head was bleeding quite a bit, but he ignored it completely. He savored the feeling of the blood seeping into his hair. He truly hated his life and no one even knew he felt this way. He smirked inwardly at that fact.

'Some friends.' He thought hollowly.

He rinsed his head in the river quickly before he reached the bridge. He sighed another day another lie. It's what his life had become nothing more than a carefully planned fabrication of happiness. He smiled that ridiculous grin as he reached the bridge.

Had anyone ventured a look into those dead eyes they'd see the boy inside curled into a ball of pain, but no one ever noticed. He doubted they ever would. Deep down he longed for someone to notice his pain, for someone just to stop him, but he had no one who cared enough. Hell, half the village would celebrate if he died, and the other half wouldn't even bat an eye.

He wondered if his team mates knew if they'd care? It had been three years since Naruto brought back Sasuke. At first Sasuke refused to speak to Naruto or Sakura, but it would seem things were finally getting back to normal. However since Naruto kept his word to Sakura she treated him better. Although he had to wonder if she was only nice because he brought _her Sasuke_ back…or if she'd really matured as she suggested.

'I'll bet it's just because of the teme..' he thought sadly.

All these thoughts swirled in the blonde's mind as he walked onto the bridge. He was early but it wasn't a big deal, the others would brush it off as his over eagerness to learn new jutsu, though it was kind of a joke they still held practice at all.

Sasuke learned all of Orochimaru's jutsu and Sakura nearly surpassed Tsunade in terms of precision and genjutsu. She had been practicing her genjutsu with Kurenai and increased her chakra control by training with Hinata. Naruto of course learned sage arts, so anything Kakashi threw at them was child's play. Yet they all showed up every day.

Why did they still do this? It was pretty pointless really. He guessed it was there way of trying to relive the past, but he didn't want to do it anymore. What was so great about the past anyway? Naruto's life was full of hardships and mistreatment as far back as he could remember. The past was something he'd much rather leave behind him forgotten.

He remembered just four years ago being beaten nearly to death. The pain from the wounds he sustained back then caused him to hiss quietly just from the mere remembrance. His grin faded, at the remembrance of that day. He nearly died that day and his so called friends were nowhere to be found, and he had to take care of himself.

Why did it have to be him anyway? Weren't there any other newborns to seal the demon in?

There was no way he'd ever want to relive the past, and yet here he was on the bridge waiting for his team mates to show up. He leaned against the railing waiting for the others to show, so they could get it over with. He quietly sighed.

'Why do I this? Every time it's over I feel like dying.' The blonde sighed.

It wasn't long before Naruto sensed his team mates' chakra. Sakura walked confidently down the path leading to the bridge. She in no way resembled the love sick puppy she once was. Now she was a full blown kunoichi deadly and as beautiful as ever.

He looked up to see her waving. He grinned and waved back at her, so not to raise suspicions. She smiled at his reply. He inwardly grew sad. She hadn't noticed how sad he was, or how much pain he was in. He felt deflated that she hadn't noticed, though after this long he shouldn't be surprised.

Naruto watched as she walked up with Sasuke not far off. Naruto's chest tightened at the sight of the raven haired man. Memories of their fight resurfaced. Sometimes Naruto wished Sasuke had killed him at the valley of the end. He would've been much better off if Sasuke killed him.

This day was steadily growing worse for Naruto, and no one even knew just how badly things were going.

It was the failure to bring Sasuke back that pushed him over the edge. Naruto had rough life, but it wasn't until the day he broke his nindo that he completely snapped. It was the day of his first cut. He wanted die when he looked into Sakura's emerald eyes. She looked devastated and it was all his fault. He couldn't stand it.

He tried to end his life that night but he couldn't. All he could do was watch his blood pore out. The way the red dripped out onto the white tile was beautiful to him. The stinging sensation from the cut and the cold metal ripping skin felt amazing.

The memories Sasuke's presence invoked were strong. It made Naruto nearly lose the grip he had on his mask. He wanted so very badly to leave. He just wanted his kunai to rip through his skin. He wanted to feel the warmth of his blood running down his arms contrasting with the cold steel of the kunai knife, but it would have to wait.

Naruto watched as the Uchiha walked up to the bridge. He glanced at Sakura as his way of saying hello, but passed right over Naruto. Being ignored was way worse than being mistreated. In fact Naruto would much rather be beaten to a bloody pulp than ignored. Naruto clenched his fists beneath the long sleeves of his jacket.

Sakura felt the tension in the air and felt a need to rid them of it before training.

"Naruto-kun, how have you been?" asked Sakura trying put an end to the silence.

Naruto turned to her and smiled. "I'm just great Sakura-chan! What about you? How's you genjutsu training going?" he asked as though he was truly interested.

"I could show you during practice if you like." She replied cockily.

"You know I won't fall for it.." the blonde replied loudly.

Sasuke sneered, and Naruto caught him. He didn't seem too displeased but he was very upset. Had he not proved himself already? All these years of hard work and Sasuke still won't acknowledge him? Hell even now that he's mastered the sage arts and saved the village from Pein, the smug bastard still can't give him any respect? Naruto felt the heat of rage in his gut, and did his best to conceal it from his teammates.

"Teme I'll beat the shit out of you!" Naruto yelled in his usual whinning tone.

"Who are you trying to kid dobe…a no talent shinobi like yourself up against me, an UCHIHA? You wouldn't last a minute." The Uchiha egged him on as usual unaware of the pain it caused Naruto deep down.

Naruto was ready to fall to pieces right there, but he fought to hold his mask in place, but it felt as though it was cracking. He felt like things were never going to change, and maybe rightfully so he thought this way. He recovered quickly though.

"Hehe you're wrong about me teme!" Naruto yelled much louder than necessary while pointing at his headband smiling, "I'm never going to give up, and I will beat you."

"If you think so dobe…" Sasuke replied mockingly watching the blonde's reaction closely.

Naruto clenched his jaw and his fists shook at his sides, while he tried not to go insane or kill Sasuke for real. Sakura stood between the two giving Sasuke the death glare though Naruto couldn't see that.

*poof*

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late, but yo-" Kakashi started to say when Sakura violently cut him off.

"Kaka-sensei if you complete that lie it will be your last!" she stated shaking her fists in his face.

The jonin gulped and nodded. His students had surpassed him and it was sure getting dangerous to be their sensei. Kakashi waited for what he thought was inevitable yelling from Naruto, but when he looked over the boy was silent just looking up at him.

'That's odd…'

"Naruto are you alright?" asked Kakashi.

"Oh yea! I'm great and I can't wait to get to training! I'm the future Hokage you know!" he yelled enthusiastically.

Kakashi put his odd behavior behind him after such an enthusiastic declaration. Sasuke secretly watched Naruto questioningly, but also dismissed his previous odd behavior just as Kakashi had, while Sakura didn't even seem to notice.

"Alright Sakura how about I test your genjutsu ability against my sharingan?" Kakashi stated.

Sakura nodded excitedly. She'd been training for months with hopes she could develop a genjutsu of her own and it was nearly complete, and she couldn't wait to throw it at Kakashi.

"I guess that leaves us huh teme?"

"Maybe I ought a just train by myself, I'll probably make more progress."

Naruto was nearing his breaking point and Sasuke had no idea what was to come. Naruto charged at him and punched him hard in the face sending Sasuke flying backward. The shocked Uchiha recovered quickly and pulled himself up to stand.

"What the fuck was that dobe?"

Naruto stood panting with adrenaline and pent up rage at the man who stood before him. The fox's chakra was already beginning to seep out, and Sasuke noticed immediately. He stood ready for fight.

'What the hell's his problem?' the Uchiha asked himself.

Sasuke smirked, so Naruto wanted a fight, he wasn't going to deny him one if that was what he wanted.

"Is that all you've got?"

"I'm just getting started asshole!"

The first tail appeared quickly and Sasuke knew for sure this wasn't a spar it was for real. He just couldn't understand what was going on. Naruto never seemed to hate him for_ real_ before. Sasuke blocked Naruto's attack and was burned by the fox's chakra.

'Shit he's serious.' Sasuke thought wide eyed from the realization.

Sasuke wondered what was going on. Naruto realized instantly he'd made a mistake and suppressed the Kyuubi's chakra. He'd let his anger build up and allowed the kyuubi to leak out. He felt terrible unleashing the demon's chakra on another Konoha shinobi during a 'friendly' spar none the less. Not to mention he didn't hate his teammates at all, he just hated that they didn't realize just how unhappy he was.

Sasuke looked down at his burnt hands and back over to Naruto, who stood frozen in spot.

"Sasuke, uh…sorry I just got excited is all.." was all Naruto could come up with, but Sasuke was no longer listening for an explanation as to why he used the fox's chakra.

Instead his onyx eyes stared in one location, which were Naruto's bear arms. The chakra had burnt through the bandages Naruto wrapped his arms in and straight through his jacket sleeves. Naruto looked at Sasuke's expression and looked down at his arms.

"Shit." Naruto mumbled before raising his hands. "Shadow clone jutsu!"

Naruto created a couple hundred clones and ran off into the woods trying to get as far away from Sasuke as he could. He really didn't feel like dealing with this.

Sasuke was surrounded and couldn't see where Naruto had taken off to by the time he dispelled them all. Sasuke ran off towards the woods guessing Naruto wouldn't have gone anywhere obvious, though Naruto was unpredictable at times even for him.

In fact he didn't feel like dealing with life itself. Naruto's hopes and dreams for the future died a long time ago along with his pathetic way of thinking and his stupid nindo. He cringed at the thought of his ridiculous nindo, what the hell had he been thinking anyways?

"It's over." He said aloud through a hollowed voice.

He ran swiftly through the forest to a place that held great sadness for him. It was place of his greatest failure, the valley of the end. He could almost feel Sasuke's Chidori ramming through his chest at the memory of that day, that was nothing compared to the emotional blow of having your best friend try to kill you.

He gritted his teeth to keep from crying as the valley came into view. The events of that day replayed over and over in his mind for years, but now it felt like his failure was being relived with each look from Sasuke he felt like he was dying inside. If this kept up much longer the blonde feared that there would be nothing left for him, and that even cutting would be pointless.

Sasuke for the first time in his life didn't care if anyone saw the worried look on his face. Something was definitely wrong with Naruto, and he had a bad feeling about it. He silently cursed himself for being so stupid these past years, of course it hurt Naruto when he tried to 'break' their bond which is a nic term for trying to murder your best friend.

'Damn it! Where's he at?'

Sasuke summoned some snakes to track Naruto down which they found quickly. Sasuke followed and slowly realized just where the snakes were headed, and knew instantly why Naruto was there, and it was the Uchiha's fault.

He felt like he was being stabbed in the gut. The valley came into view and on one of the statues sat Naruto crying with his feet dangling over the statues head. Sasuke didn't know what to do really. He wasn't sure if his presence would hurt or help, but he came all this way and he couldn't forgive himself if he didn't try to help.

He couldn't shake the feeling that this was too little too late for Naruto, but he had to try. Sasuke couldn't imagine the pain he must feel everyday if he was willing to mutilate his own body like that. He grimaced thinking of the way he'd been treating Naruto.

Naruto turned his blues towards Sasuke as the raven-haired man approached from behind him. Naruto didn't move an inch, and just sighed. Sasuke didn't know what to say, but his chest tightened at the sight of Naruto's arms, and for the first time in a long time Sasuke felt the warm wet feeling of tears running down his cheeks.

"Are you here to settle things once and for all? Here to break our bond?" the blonde said calmly though Sasuke could tell the words were laced with pain.

"Naruto I never meant to…I'm sorry." The Uchiha stated quietly.

"Yea whatever, just be sure to finish the job this time. I'm tired of living this way."

Guilt wracked Sasuke's body as the words escaped Naruto's mouth. He couldn't say a damn thing about it. It was true and he hated himself for ever doing it. It was all for power, and Naruto had been a good friend trying desperately to keep him from making such a terrible mistake, but instead of accepting his help Sasuke tried to kill him.

"I'm not asking your forgiveness, but please stop talking like that."

"Sasuke do you have any idea what it's like for an entire village to ignore you? I was just a kid trying to be normal and you know what memories are the best for me!?"

"….."

"The ones where the villagers nearly beat me to death asshole! You know why? Because I wasn't ignored anymore. The saw me." Naruto yelled loudly causing more tears from Sasuke.

"You'd rather be beaten than ignored?" Sasuke asked the question without thinking.

"Yes I would." He spat venomously. "I'd also rather be killed than ignored, by you." Naruto said without thinking.

"I ignore you because I love you damn it you idiot!" yelled Sasuke with a blush across his face, while bonking Naruto on the head.

Naruto's eyes widened at his words. 'Love?' He was shocked and confused causing his rage to dissipate.

"That doesn't make sense…"

"Think about it carefully dobe."

"I still don't understand."

*sigh* "Of course you don't. Let me explain this as simply as possible, have you ever known me to express many feelings at all?"

"I guess not, but what.."

"Idiot! I was embarrassed!" the Uchiha yelled loudly enough that his voice echoed through the valley.

"Why me?"

"I've loved you for a long time now." The Uchiha reluctantly admitted.

"Well you got a funny way of showing it, you bastard! You put a hole through my fucking chest! Is that your twisted perception of love?" Naruto yelled angrily.

"N-No…I never meant to…"

"But you did! You almost killed me you basta-"

Naruto stopped his yelling as he watched Sasuke do something he'd never seen him do before. He cried without making any attempt to 'save his Uchiha image'. Naruto watched as the salt water rolled down Sasuke's cheeks undisturbed.

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun." Sasuke choked out through the tears Naruto thought he must have imagined, but was proved they were indeed real.

Naruto's eyes widened at the way Sasuke addressed him. The whole mood flipped in an instant, and the past was slowly fading for both of them.

'Naruto-kun? Not dobe?'

Naruto stepped closer and Sasuke couldn't take his eyes off the blonde's mangled arms. Naruto felt self conscious and hid his arms behind his back, so Sasuke wouldn't look at them. The truth was as long as Naruto had been friends with Sasuke he dreamed about the day the raven-haired boy would say he loved him, but it was his fantasy.

He never expected things to be this way. He smiled hollowly, it was too late now. After living this way for years Naruto felt empty and could never have a truly happy life, and far too much had happened between the two for everything to just be okay.

"Naruto?"

Naruto took a step back with tears in his eyes and looked Sasuke straight in the eyes. He watched the blonde too shocked to move.

"Sorry teme, but this is goodbye." "Shadow clone jutsu." He said emptily.

Sasuke once again found himself surrounded by shadow clones and tried desperately to shake them off and he did so quickly only to be seconds too late. His stomach dropped when he heard the sicken thud. He saw the weird way Naruto's body was contorted on the stone ledge hundreds of meters below, and quickly dashed downward towards Naruto.

Sasuke screamed as loud as he could, and it echoed through the valley. His tears fell violently like rain to the ground. He wrapped his arms around Naruto's body and cried.

'It's my fault, I always knew he loved me, but I still try my hardest to hurt him…why?'

"Naruto-kun, I'm sorry. Looks like I'm the dobe, the idiot, not you."

With that Sasuke pulled out a kunai and sliced his arms down to his wrists watching the blood pore out he waited to talk to Naruto again if he could be so lucky to get that chance. He wanted to make it up to the blonde, even if it took all eternity.


End file.
